Venture Capitalist Gifts

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"I'm starting a startup that helps other startups start up."

Caveman is unable to attract venture capital for his square wheel invention.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

"Harris, I want you to buy up anything that has 'dot com' in their title."

'My error, sir. On the phone I thought you said 'venture' capitalist.'

"Simpson, you promised you wouldn't tell anybody I turned down Bill Gates!"

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

We're looking at a six figure return. Unfortunately, they're all zeros.

'And what makes you think there's a market for golden eggs?'

'This is Adventure Capital! You want Venture Capital two doors down.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

"We want a management buy out - if you'll lend us the money."

'Venture capital' taking a chance.

"Your business plan is very interesting, but I'm a venture capitalist, not a compulsive gambler!"

"We have the concept, but we can't really do anything without investors."

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

"The biggest downside of funding IT startups... is being called 'dude'!"

'It's a venture capitalist.'

'The business is worth $125,000, tops. We expect Google to offer us three billion.'

"The good news is we've financed another dot.com for no fathomable reason."

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

"Go forth and multiply"

'So that's my presentation. When do I get the half million dollars?'

"Heck yes, we're interested! Your proposal has 'The Next Big Bubble' written all over it!"

"We're looking for a whizz-kid who can whizz-up a fast million without kidding anybody"

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Danger: Company merger in progress.

'You built this with our venture capital. Now we would like our 60%.'

Silicon Valley Bank fails, who else?

Venture scouts/Venture capitalists.

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

"We realize it's a win-win, Jenkins—we're trying to figure out a way to make it a win-lose."

Businessman feeding the vultures