Venture Capital Gifts

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"So what do you really think of my business plan?"

"Sure, you have to spend money to make money, but first you have to steal money."

Profit

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

I'm a self-made man!

Go! Means NOW!

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

Not thinking BIG enough: Nickel & Dime Bank.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'If we all work together, shoulder to shoulder, we can turn this company around a full 360 degrees.'

Five Ideas For Success: Always finish what you. . .

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

Bio, Inc. Should we continue to invest in this promising new cloning technique? Yeah, let's double down on it.

S.S.dot.com

'You idiot! I told you we should have learned to fly first before jumping out of that thing!'

"Money is life's report card."

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

Businessman feeding the vultures

"Let's all sing our theme song: 'I Love Venture Capital'."

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

'Have your people facebook my people.'