Vegan Wisher Gifts

In lieu of wishbones, vegetarian children often use a slab of tofu.

"States of tofu"

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

"You had me at alternative milk."

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'That chap really knows his onions!'

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"Miss Robinson, do I need any wishes?"

I guess I outta take science classes if I'm really going to help the environment. What for? You want to be a famous actress

"In the near future climate change will cause huge disasters!. . . And if nature dares to disappoint me, I'll throw the packaging of my vegan burger into the bushes!"

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

Zebra to lion: 'Is this a good time to talk to you about the sanctity of life?'

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Virgin?! My bad. . . I thought you asked for a vegan."

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'