Vegan Wisher Pillows

In lieu of wishbones, vegetarian children often use a slab of tofu.

"States of tofu"

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"You had me at alternative milk."

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'That chap really knows his onions!'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"Miss Robinson, do I need any wishes?"

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

Zebra to lion: 'Is this a good time to talk to you about the sanctity of life?'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"Virgin?! My bad. . . I thought you asked for a vegan."

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'