Vegan Virtuosos Gifts

'Tell him to cut it out - we're not into leather!'

"States of tofu"

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Two vegans, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet... How the heck did this get here?'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"How almond milk is made"

The vegan hunter

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

Another Cultured Meat Experiment Ends in Failure.

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

'Grow you son of a bitch!'

Too Much SOY

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

Vegan Insomnia

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

Woolly tofu.