Vegan Virtuosos Gifts

'Tell him to cut it out - we're not into leather!'

"States of tofu"

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Two vegans, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet... How the heck did this get here?'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

Tomato, zucchini or grapefruit? Balloons. Vegan Clowns.

The vegan hunter

"How almond milk is made"

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

I guess I outta take science classes if I'm really going to help the environment. What for? You want to be a famous actress

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

Another Cultured Meat Experiment Ends in Failure.

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

Too Much SOY

Cybervegan Caf

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

'Grow you son of a bitch!'

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

Vegan Insomnia

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."