Vegan Champion Gifts

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

Prize vegetables.

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Is there a vegan option?"

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"I am listening to my body. My body says yuk!"

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

"How almond milk is made"

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense."

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

The Last Dinner

"Apparently we're reared by people who share the values of the people who eat us."

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

"What've you got that's good for vegans?"

'I'll try the 'Hippy meal'.'