Veal Virtuoso Gifts

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'Coleridge'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

Poetry repairman

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"Dad, is there a word that contains all the vowels?"

"You have to practice because if the Devil challenges you to a fiddle contest and wins, he gets your soul."

Wino Appreciation Group

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

Writer

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'They call me the 'grandfather' of Hip-Hop!'

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

Leonard Cohen