Variety Show Fan Gifts

Carol Burnett

Marvo the Bird Impersonator

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Astral Projection

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

Clive Anderson

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

"The X files...the tooth is out there"

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

"Oh dear, how embarrassing!"

Out of Context Nite with Jeremy Clarkson.

Life stripped bare

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

"That's what I call an off-off-off-off-off Broadway show!"

"Binge-watching squirrels. What are you doing?"

'Tonight - music from cat, acrobatics from cow, comedy from me - we have a great show for you - don't run away!'

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

Celebrity Clerk: Schrodinger's Cat.

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'