Comedy Show Fan Gifts

Eightysomething

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Howzat,madam? As good as new now and Parky looking ten years younger!'

'Hey, Gallagher, can you just skip to the part where you smash the watermelon?'

"Judy's off today children, but once again we've got the lovely Caron Keating to stand in for her"

The City Center Presents: An evening with Grandpa Warren.

Candle magician doing a rope trick.

Lame Duck Dynasty

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Vlad the Impala

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

A Fairytale Update

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"That'll be five bucks."