Variety Show Enthusiast Gifts

'Tonight - music from cat, acrobatics from cow, comedy from me - we have a great show for you - don't run away!'

"Who knows of he's any good, but he certainly sounds exciting. He said on the telephone he was , 'The Man with Many Faces!'"

"Oh dear, how embarrassing!"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

Before the Internet

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Love is when you watch television together.

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

TV and cleaner

How I met your mother

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

"Remember that '70s TV show 'What's Happening'!? Did they ever come up with an answer?" "I don't know, but it makes me wonder if Marvin Gaye found out what's going on." "The black hole of cannabis-induced queries"

"What would you like to watch again?"

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Will work for Food Network.

Time Machine Collision.

"I'm so looking forward to the weekend, there's a show on: We're going to be pampered and they'll put lovely ribbons in our manes..."

"You like it? We purchased the fourth wall from 'Westworld'."

My client vigorously denies your charges. He says he has great respect for what makes you special. He knows that you like Amy Winehouse, watching The Office, secondhand clothes. You're reading off my Facebook page. He knows you're on Facebook. You're both off my friends list.

"Oh, good. My complete sexual history is on tonight."

Quiz: Find the Subtle Signs of Implicit Bias

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

'...And now, 'Ripley's Believe it or Not' presents a restrospective on the Tony Blair years....'

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?