Tv Property Show Fan Gifts

'I'm not into property developing, I just want to climb ladders and slide down snakes'

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

Clive Anderson

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

Men discussing a book on a chat show

TV show is called Repossesion Repossession. Man says: 'I see the property shows are reacting to the economic downturn.'

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

'Scrub that previous message Houston. There is no, I repeat no intelligent life on Mars.'

The Mom quiz show

Election Report. The political debates and huge ratings. "Dancing Around the Issues" topped "Dancing with the Stars"!

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

'...Nadine Dorries has sent you a present from Australia. She said as soon as she saw it she thought of you!'

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

"Well I think the Real question is..."

As Seen On TV

Man sees capitol building: 'Truth, Justice, Reality TV'

After finishing his two year residency at Drai's Beach club, in Las Vegas, D.J. Pauly D decides to return to his first love theatre.

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

'OK, you've got your problems. Now, you can keep them and walk away - or trade them with whoever's behind door number one, two or three.'

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

"I knew you was mad when you tried to sell me to them "American Pickers" fellers."

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

'We need more cake shows!'

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'