Property Humor Fan Gifts

"The HOA doesn't like our rock arrangement."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Mouse real estate!

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

An exaggeration of estate agents

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

'Is the fire included?'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

Affordable housing

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"I've just been gazumped!"

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

'Like I said - this property is only a stone's throw from the ocean!'

"And you thought I couldn't find Hudson River views in your price range."

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"