Vanity Warriors Gifts

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"Buy them - and never look back."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'

Toupee in a tin.

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

The world's most successful beauty blogger...

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

The Paper Silhouette Editor

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

"Not only do you look marvelous but all of you looks the same age."

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

Your Face In Stone