Vanity Warriors Gifts

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

How do I love me? Let me count the ways. Ok. You have 18,523 selfies.

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"Buy them - and never look back."

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'

Toupee in a tin.

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

'This is Photoshop. It's like the beauty salon of the Internet.'

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

The Paper Silhouette Editor

"Not only do you look marvelous but all of you looks the same age."

The world's most successful beauty blogger...

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'