Vanity Survivor Gifts

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

A bald eagle approaches middle age

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

TV-Mirror.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

Toupee in a tin.

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'This is Photoshop. It's like the beauty salon of the Internet.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

The Paper Silhouette Editor

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

Hot chilli...

"Excuse Brian, but he's started to lose his hair."