Vanity Survivor T-Shirts

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

TV-Mirror.

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

Toupee in a tin.

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

The Paper Silhouette Editor

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

It was an expensive treatment, but it feels so good to be barnacle-free...

Hot chilli...

"Excuse Brian, but he's started to lose his hair."