Vanity Vigilant T-Shirts

'Do you think that the others will notice that I'm wearing a toupee?'

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Hair spray"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

Complete Makeover

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

How do I love me? Let me count the ways. Ok. You have 18,523 selfies.

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

"Believe me, you never looked better since you fell into that vast of skin cream."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

TV-Mirror.

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"