Vanity Observer T-Shirts

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Special Person Statue

"Remember, Helen, if you retire early, the newsletter will print your age."

'I was revered, but never iconic.'

With almost all the other tellers at lunch, Mildred was, for once, the best looking one.

Barely Detectable Toupee

Narcissus

"You got your face lifted!"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Hair spray"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

"And that's me as a shepherdess!"

Vanity artist

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

TV-Mirror.

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'