Vanity Enthusiast Pillows

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"Hold on. This will make a killer insta story."

'See you later, Honey.'

'Do you think I need a beak lift?'

"My beautician said I've got the skin of an 18 year old, the hair of a 22 year old and the body of a 23 year old."

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

Mr. Harris thought his face-lift was a tad too severe.

Beauty Salon - "I'm just sorry we couldn't do more for you."

'You could at least have waited until I put on my make-up!'

Do you have any idea who I am?'

"You can grow old gracefully. I'm fighting it every inch of the way!"

Cosmetic Surgery

'That's not a mirror, that's a picture of Mel Gibson.'

"Does my ego look good in this?"

'Perfect.'

"Could you make me look more like a swan billed platypus?"

"I'd like a face-lift please!"

The rarely seen narcissistic voyeur.

Vain

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

The Paper Silhouette Editor

"People often say I look like Brad Pitt. . ."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

Budget Toupee

'Did you see that? I'm the same weight now as I was when we were at school together!'

I know we're only going to the shopping mall but I've got to look my best, we'll be on CCTV.

"All my plastic surgery has made me officially 80% recyclable. . ."

"I'd like to return this mirror. It makes me look older than I feel!"

"Back in my day it was harder to be a narcissist. You constantly had to look for a mirror."

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Narcissism...Self Inflicted Love Bites.

'You're right, I do have a bald spot.'

"Ideally I'd like to look the same age all over."

"I had them made from a baboons ass."

Autobiography of an Egomaniac