Vanity Coach T-Shirts

'I've actually started lying about my age. I tell them I'm ten years older than I actually am so they can tell me I look good for my age!'

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'Cosmetic surgery.'

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

TV-Mirror.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

"Maybe if I put these under my pillow I'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'