Valentine's Day Mishap Gifts

'No, Kevin. It wasn't romantic and it isn't the thought that counts!'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

'I don't suppose you're just writing me a Valentine?'

Valentine for Guru.

'Rurgh!!' - 'Burp!' - 'Form an orderly queue, ladies!'

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

Insurance claim on Grandma

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

'I booked a table for one under the name of Narcissus.'

I see you've been assigned to the platonic love detail this year..

"Here we are in Jackson Hole and our luggage went to Hawaii!"

"That reminds me...Happy valentine."

'Next year could I just have the chocolate?'

"Last week, my husband waded into the cords behind our TV to untangle them, and I haven't seen him since."

Blow up valentine.

A boxer fights a heart shaped punching bag.

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"I don't like sweetcorn".

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

"Just a card and a box of chocolates would have been fine, dear!"

Excuses why you forgot to buy her a Valentine's gift - $50

'It's the blind date who arranged to meet you inside.'

"It came with some explanatory notes. . ."

Woman surrounded by couple sees fish on bike

'I'm not ready to love again. I'm afraid I'll get hurt!'