Utility Seeker Gifts

"John Stuart Mill taught that the happiness of the individual is paramount. He didn't name names, but I suspect that you and I are the sort of individual he had in mind."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Low-Energy Drinks

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Bring me some more power.'

'See here, Flanigan ? what's this I hear about you going over my head to the computer?'

"Neversource"

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"Read me one more, Daddy!"

'Yeah, my phone folds out into a TV tray.'

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

Glass Ceiling

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

"No, no - I'm just looking for a balance of power that corrupts in moderation."

'This isn't the meeting. This is the pre-premeeting to talk about when to meet and plan the meeting.'

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

Drive-in fast food, drive-in bank and drive-in car park.

"And how long till they start saying the 'Great' after my name."

"It's lonely here at the top. Thank goodness I've never been a people person."

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

Food van driving through an office.

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

Robot about to eat a battery

"Sure, you could make a good living in private industry, but believe me, you wouldn't be running any kingdoms."

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"