Utility Philosopher Gifts

"By the way, I've been meaning to speak to you about last month's water bill."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

Computer help.

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

We've been coming here for decades, but I still don't understand their idea that the richest person is the one with the most money.

Always a popular motive: Hunter and Prey.

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Unbeknown to others, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

"Our best strategy may be to destigmatize embezzlement."

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

"Republican striptease"

'I am afraid, sir, that in the current economic climate, a picture is now only worth 500 words.'

Torture in Progress, Help Wanted

Ode to Nature.

Gas Bill

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

'The internet has made me a more critical thinker. I'm critical of everything I see on it.'

'Miss Jones, bring me my scruples.'

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"Tighten our belts? Why can't you sell your soul to some nasty American corporation?"

“What we have here is an old moral compass. How did it come into your possession?”

Time = $. Time > $.

"I’ve only been able to find movies, music, and restaurants that I kind of like using apps, but I’m hoping they’ll lead me to the love of my life."

"I know the rules on cloning, but it's easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission."

Vegetarian Professor

Gitmo's 10th Anniversary