Utility Philosopher T-Shirts

"By the way, I've been meaning to speak to you about last month's water bill."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

Computer help.

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

Always a popular motive: Hunter and Prey.

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Unbeknown to others, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

"Our best strategy may be to destigmatize embezzlement."

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

Ode to Nature.

'I am afraid, sir, that in the current economic climate, a picture is now only worth 500 words.'

"Republican striptease"

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

Gas Bill

'The internet has made me a more critical thinker. I'm critical of everything I see on it.'

'Miss Jones, bring me my scruples.'

"I know the rules on cloning, but it's easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission."

“What we have here is an old moral compass. How did it come into your possession?”

Vegetarian Professor

"Tighten our belts? Why can't you sell your soul to some nasty American corporation?"

"I’ve only been able to find movies, music, and restaurants that I kind of like using apps, but I’m hoping they’ll lead me to the love of my life."

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"I've half a mind to protest."