Username Creator Gifts

'I was usernamed after my aunt.'

"Would you like some usernames with your passwords, or do you prefer them plain?"

The Map of the human brain

"Yes, you were born into the era of passwords and user-names. . . why do you ask, Mycat_2014?"

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"How about a little more muse and a little less 'meow,' huh?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Social media stocks have taken a beating I'm seeing a lot of avatars on ledges."

Creator's Block

'Hey! I've just had a great idea! How about a light bulb...?'

'No, Igor, not Phillips head...Flat head! Flat head! Bring me the flat head!'

"Kanye's changing his name. I'm thinking he should go by Cra Z."

Phoebe Mary Waller-Bridge caricature

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

'It's my pseudonym.'

"Well, I've been struggling to write a book about my struggle to write a book..."

"That's out idea department – the door was one of their ideas."

"It's about the world's smartest girl, her caring father, her fun-loving great aunt and her annoying, car-obsessed big brother."

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

Ian McEwan

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

'All the characters in my novels are based on real people, for example the fat useless waster in my last one was you!'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

'Life! Give my conversation liiiife!'

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"

'The problem with facebook is that sooner or later, everybody figures out you're a dog.'

'The internet brings everyone closer.'

God's Writers Block

How to make a concept album

"Can you do any other impressions, apart from; John, your milkman?"

'John and I have agreed on 'Mary Kate Elizabeth,' but we're still working on a screen name.'

Charles Dickens.

'So the new villain in my book is a-.'

How to appear more interesting.