Urban Monk Gifts

Ascetic sitting on edge of tall building

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Spell checker!'

Mea Maxima Cuppa

Quills - Sizes 1-9

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Monk Prompt

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Well la de da. . .

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I'm going on a retreat."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Buddhist photo albums,

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'