Urban Dweller Chuckler Gifts

"Goddam Dogs."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

Upper West Side Story

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

"Thank you."

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

"Scat!"

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Auld Gang Sign

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

Old Yarns

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

An ellipsis in the sky

"...A meaningful epiphany or just a line from some dumb TV commercial?"

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."

Power, Money, Ego, Hype, Parking.

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"I'm gay and I'm a caterer, so it's a real win-win."