Urban Birder Gifts

Stories about crumbs

"Dear sir....Today I heard the first cuckoo ringtone."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

City Marathon.

Touring Cyclist

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

'The problem with migrating is that the roaming charges for my mobile phone are enormous...'

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

Upper West Side Story

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

"These songbirds every morning at five A.M. would be really annoying if they weren't so damn talented."

Squirrel Tapping On Window Demanding Food.

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

"Thank you."

baby birds in a nest reading Chick Lit

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

"Scat!"

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."

Auld Gang Sign

An ellipsis in the sky

Bird at birdbath shaving.

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

'How do they know it's breakfast time? It's your garden clock, birdbrain!'

Hot dog cart next to a hot spot cart.

Old Yarns

"...A meaningful epiphany or just a line from some dumb TV commercial?"

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"