Unwavering Phone Agent Gifts

"Please stay on the line, your call is very important to us... Yeah, right. Like you're going to believe that."

Barks in code.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

Hollywood, 2083.

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"My agent."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"Listen, I'm still your mother."

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"Read a little about it"

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

"I'm a changed man, Lou - I'm wearing a wire AND a fitbit."

"These are my windscreen credits."

'You SHALL go to the ball, subject to my usual arrangement fee of 30% of any ensuing profits.'

"I'm on the haywain."

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

"How nice of you to call me out of the blue, young man. It so happens I have forty-five million just sitting in my piggy bank, and maybe having a broker wouldn't be such a bad idea."

'Can you do anything else?'