Phone Caller Extraordinaire Gifts

'Thank you for phoning our vineyard. . .'

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'The King of what?'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"The guy's a natural!"

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

...the onion rings

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"How nice of you to call me out of the blue, young man. It so happens I have forty-five million just sitting in my piggy bank, and maybe having a broker wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"I'm on the haywain."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

Call centre musicians

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

Robinson Crusoe on the phone - "Big job. No problem, it'll be done by Friday."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"He wants to know if I'm alone."

Phone Calls As a Child and As an Adult

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

Woman on the phone while her kids cause chaos in the background.

Listenin' in

Business executive has desk sign stating: I am in a meeting.

Collar I.D.

"I've been talking on this phone so much, I'm getting cauliflower ears."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'