Unpretentious Meal Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I hope you've noticed that our menu is refreshingly devoid of creativity."

Come dine with me!

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Advanced footsie

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."