Unpretentious Meal Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I hope you've noticed that our menu is refreshingly devoid of creativity."

Come dine with me!

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Party time.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Advanced footsie

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."