Meal Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

The Aisle

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

This time, Eddie was going to pay for this.

'What's your favourite meal?'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Important Food Groups

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Party time.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."