Unplanned Pet Ownership Gifts

'We had planned to wait until Bowzer finished obedience school, then I came into heat.'

"Pick me!"

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Foster failure"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'I really don't think mouth-to-mouth wroks on fish, Ben.'

"Man's best friends."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'He does lack social skills.'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"Here's one: 'Youth Frisbee Camp', from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Tuesdays." "Naw... Go back to that first one, for 'early chewers', wasn't that one a sleep-over camp?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."