Unplanned Pet Ownership Pillows

'We had planned to wait until Bowzer finished obedience school, then I came into heat.'

"Pick me!"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"Foster failure"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Man's best friends."

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

'I really don't think mouth-to-mouth wroks on fish, Ben.'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'He does lack social skills.'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"Here's one: 'Youth Frisbee Camp', from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Tuesdays." "Naw... Go back to that first one, for 'early chewers', wasn't that one a sleep-over camp?"

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'