University Supporter Gifts

"The university is delighted with the endowment but is there any flexibility over calling it the 'who's the rich one now you toffee nosed bastards' wing?"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Major US universities, public view: ATHLETICS...everything else.

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

'Oh Darling, I'm so proud! I wish I could give you a big hug!'

Coach Prime Cleans House

We pride ourselves on having every type of insurance policy, but report card insurance is a new one to us.

'It's the parents' 4x4x400 metres.'

'It's someone from the Society for Ethical Treatment of Principals asking for a donation.'

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

'I'm Stacey, whose mother is the proud parent of an honor student.'

'If the key to effective classroom management is consistency, I guess I'm an effective classroom manager, I am consistently exhausted at the end of the day.'

Kid to class: 'I'll read my book report in a minute, but first, a word about our underpaid teachers ...'

Parents teacher conference.

"Let's have refreshments on parents' night. These people need nourishment."

'My advice to a first year teacher is to teach from the heart, not only from the book.'

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

"Heading to your government schools to be brainwashed?"

"How much longer will we have to help Besty with her homework?"

"These conferences are a good thing. It keeps parents off the streets."

"Hey, look at that. It looks like the stuff we've been using to text each other for years."

"My parents appreciate teachers, but me, not so much."

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."