University Life Commentator T-Shirts

Are you sure this is the best way to fill the endowed chair?

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Teacher and students.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

Our Troubled Chowders

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

True Debate Fun

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"