University Life Commentator Pillows

Are you sure this is the best way to fill the endowed chair?

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Teacher and students.

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

Our Troubled Chowders

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."