University Life Critic Pillows

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Teacher and students.

Demonic Repossession.

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Breakfast at Universities

Uni. Snowflake Library

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

The Dean of Physics Demonstrates the Basic Premise of Give and Take, And in Particular Take, To Professor Kott.

'I admit I copied all my essays from the internet.'

Campus police are dorm troopers.

'..And remember, your success will be measured in how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

How to Tell If Your Teacher Is A Leftist

Not publishing at your university? Is that what they mean when they say they're cracking down on white collar crime?

Cutting Room Floor

I tried to take eighteen credits.

Are you sure this is the best way to fill the endowed chair?

'It's outrageous - they don't want to be proper students like us at all - they come here to work!'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'Caution: Some content may be offensive to sensitive students.'

Out of work lecturer.