University Critique Pillows

"Here we go again. Hiring college coaches for millions while faculty members teach for peanuts..."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Master's Degrees of the Universe

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Uni. Snowflake Library

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

The assistant to the chair begins another busy day.

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

"I've been trying for days, but I can't get hold of the Superintendent for Accountability."

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

'I think your test grading is biased in favor of students who answer the test questions correctly.'

'Caution: Some content may be offensive to sensitive students.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'Did you really? I flunked out of Bob Jones, too!'

'Damn! The uni has introduced new anti-student chairs."

College: 'We do not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, or religion. Students must simply be able to afford $20,000 tuition per year.'

'Liberal Arts' and 'Conservative Crafts.'

College students across the nation protest tuition hikes.

"Don't get me wrong; I learned a lot in college. Just nothing applicable to real life."

'I never would have joined this group had I known about the uniforms.'