University Critique T-Shirts

"Here we go again. Hiring college coaches for millions while faculty members teach for peanuts..."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Master's Degrees of the Universe

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Uni. Snowflake Library

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

The assistant to the chair begins another busy day.

Cutting Room Floor

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

"I've been trying for days, but I can't get hold of the Superintendent for Accountability."

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

'I think your test grading is biased in favor of students who answer the test questions correctly.'

'Caution: Some content may be offensive to sensitive students.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'Damn! The uni has introduced new anti-student chairs."

No Job Prospects? No Problem!

'Did you really? I flunked out of Bob Jones, too!'

College: 'We do not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, or religion. Students must simply be able to afford $20,000 tuition per year.'

'Liberal Arts' and 'Conservative Crafts.'

College students across the nation protest tuition hikes.

'I never would have joined this group had I known about the uniforms.'

"Don't get me wrong; I learned a lot in college. Just nothing applicable to real life."

What Happens in the Cal-Bunker