Higher Education Critic Pillows

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Yes, our students complain about spending thousands on our bogus online programs. They paid for a real world education and that's what we gave them."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Toy Shops and Educated Children

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

Uni. Snowflake Library

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

The Yorkshire schoolmaster at the Saracen's Head

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

GET YOUR G. E. D. 50 CENTS

I hate to do this but you know the high costs of college.

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'