Higher Education Skeptic Pillows

'The good news is these grades are not good enough for me to get into an expensive college.'

'FOR THIS I WENT TO COLLEGE?'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

End of Affirmative Action

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

"I totally meant to do that."

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

Science deniers Soc.

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

Documentation Please

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."