University Dodger Gifts

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

'Dad, I decided not to get a tattoo in the end. Like you, I got a piercing, instead.'

Revenuers will be shot.

Spiro & Pusho watching TV whilst on a hike.

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Winter depression.

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."