University Dodger Gifts

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Dad, I decided not to get a tattoo in the end. Like you, I got a piercing, instead.'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

Spiro & Pusho watching TV whilst on a hike.

Revenuers will be shot.

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

Walk right in. Sit right down.

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'