Universe Mapper T-Shirts

Never mind, I found the new galaxy – it's always the last place you look, isn't it?

Big Bang Theory.

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

"No, you're in the Milky Way galaxy."

"Ah, ha! The universe IS expanding! I can't find my glasses anywhere!"

'Oh man, we are so lost...!'

"And that little pinpoint of light? That’s our new baby."

"Isn't the universe wonderful?" "I thought there was supposed to be fireworks."

Slinky Cow World

A man looks up at the earth

"Whatever it is, we're up to our necks in it!"

Beyond the known and the unknown.

The Big Tipper

Emergency exit into Space

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

"Space exploration"

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

TV - MARS, weather: 'Very hot and dry days, bitterly cold nights and no precipitation for the next several million years!'

'Say again: a train going 50 Miles Per Hour leaves Chicago heading to a black hole where the rules of motion change as a function of distance from a singularity ... and then what?'

'Great job Zork, we're lost... you couldn't find Uranus with both hands and a flashlight!'

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

"Houston, Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Tampa, Juneau, Honolulu, we have a problem."

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

'Careful! A spark could start a new universe.'

"After spending thirty years creating models of early universe formation, I began to suspect that my work didn't make a shred of difference."

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

"What, then, is theorigin of cosmology? Some say it has always been with us and always will be. Some think it arrived spontaneously, while others feel it started very small and is expanding..."

God's map of the universe

'And the actual value of the Hubble Constant is critical to the question or whether our Universe will continue to expand forever, or...POP.'