Universal Egoist T-Shirts

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

The Boss.

Newton's cradle

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

The only Universal Truths that all religions agree upon.

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

"Religion: Man's attempt to make sense of a frightening universe. Science: See 'Religion'."

'The big bang theory of creation.'

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

"You think I would have sunk forty thousand clams into this lemon if I had known they were coming out with a nine-dollar boner pill?"

The great and near-great

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

'I've always managed to retain my humility, I'm proud to say.'

'Let's put that nasty word out 'plummet' of our minds.'

"I think it really captures my humility and selflessness."

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"They're both type 'A' personalities, so they're deciding who is the 'A+'."

The laws of physics are the same everywhere - illustrated by Newton's apple affected by gravity

"It's my most personal building yet."

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

Boss has a frame hanging above his desk for his face.

'Darling - have I ever told you how much you love me. . .?'

"I hoped you'd like the size of it."