Universal Egoist Gifts

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

Newton's cradle

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

The Boss.

The only Universal Truths that all religions agree upon.

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

'The big bang theory of creation.'

"You think I would have sunk forty thousand clams into this lemon if I had known they were coming out with a nine-dollar boner pill?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

"Religion: Man's attempt to make sense of a frightening universe. Science: See 'Religion'."

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

The great and near-great

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

'I've always managed to retain my humility, I'm proud to say.'

'Let's put that nasty word out 'plummet' of our minds.'

"They're both type 'A' personalities, so they're deciding who is the 'A+'."

The laws of physics are the same everywhere - illustrated by Newton's apple affected by gravity

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"It's my most personal building yet."

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

Boss has a frame hanging above his desk for his face.

Stephen Hawking

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

"I hoped you'd like the size of it."