Uniquely Humorous Gifts

'First bear in space and still no respect.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Look! No hands!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

The circus diver.

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"I'll have dessert first."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

Bat out of Hell

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

New Belief Systems

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Chip off the old Anti-Christ.

'This is why I had to pad my resume.'

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

Summer in Hell

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

'To be honest, rock n'roll isn't my thing at all, I'm much more a country n'western kinda guy.'

The Grim Raker

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

Hell's Smoking Section

Starbucks closing 600 stores with 12,000 job cuts.

"I hear you're worth a fortune."

"I'm going to Princeton!"

Paint Ball shop has artists painting balls.