Unusual Humor Gifts

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

Ostriches making out

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

"Underweird bras."

The circus diver.

'Edible food! Eeeeedible food!'

"I'll have dessert first."

'I've got an amoeba here who wants to go to Officer's Candidate School.'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

'Have a good day? No thank you. I had other plans.'

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

'The wife has me on a strict 'O Negative' diet.'

Man on desert island sees tightrope walker on horizon.

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Farmer Doll!

At First Van Gogh attempts to impress by cutting off his ear flap.

Mom's Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.95.

A bowls player bowling a bomb

"It's perfect."

Vendors.

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

Outside the Novox Genlab, a man is walking a cow.

"If you can't sleep you may as well be productive and guard the meth lab."

Atlas' Shoelace Dilemma