Union Jokesters Gifts

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"I have to start thinking out of the box."

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.

"It's dress down day!"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

The main reason I was chosen to be the senior manager is my ability to always be calm, wise and right. . .What's that in your hand?! Is that a shiny thing?!!. . ."