Irs Jokesters Gifts

Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"I have to start thinking out of the box."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

"It's dress down day!"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'