Uni Jokester Gifts

Professor Clown teaches advanced physics

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'Hard or soft science?'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."